Back at the Blog

During my semester abroad in 2019, I was a blogger for ISEP, my exchange program. I realized I enjoyed articulating what I was doing and the excitement, anticipation, and other raw emotions that came along with that. It was also a nice form of communication to keep the people who had inquired about my adventures informed. This time I will not be working for anyone and will have the freedom to write whenever and about whatever I would like.

I started 2020 in Hauptplatz in Linz, Austria. I was watching fireworks while bumping to Avicii who was being played by a DJ for the whole city to enjoy. My family had come from the Netherlands and Kansas to celebrate the holidays and ring in the new year. This incredible night had set the tone for what I expected to be an incredible year… my expectations were wrong.

Everyone has their own letdowns and disappointments from this year. I came back to Fort Hays State University to start my very last semester. One more chance to live with my besties, be a high jumper on the track team, and finish my bachelor’s degree with some interesting courses. I quickly found that being immersed into a completely different setting for 5 months and then diving back into my old lifestyle administers what is called ‘reverse culture shock’. Many of my friendships had grown apart and everything just felt different. Track also started off rough with complications of eligibility due to a delay in getting my Austrian transcript sent back and the simple fact that I was not as fit as when I left. Luckily, my courses and new job in the international office went well and I felt welcomed by my professors and boss.

Things were finally falling into place. I was in the groove of the new spring semester, outdoor track season was gearing up and I had gotten back into shape, I was accepted into the two master’s programs I applied for, and relationships were moving in the right direction. I was set to finish my undergrad strong… until, well, you know. In the middle of the most chaotic track practice, we learned our season had been cancelled. Meaning my athletic career was over. A couple very weird days later, in the middle of a Business Policy lecture, we got an email that classes had been cancelled. Work – cancelled. All upcoming activities – cancelled. In the strangest, most unclear, and unsatisfactory way, my life as an FHSU tiger ended abruptly. I moved back to Lakin and finished my classes and work online. After a couple brutal months of figuring out this new normal and successfully completing school; graduation – cancelled. All the family that was going to come visit from the Netherlands to help my sister and I celebrate our graduations; flights – cancelled. Four years to earn that Summa Cum Laude bachelor’s degree all for what? To see that much too familiar word “cancelled” in every email and announcement.

As I had come to terms with a cancelled end of my college career, I continued my work for the international office throughout the summer and put my energy towards my upcoming master’s degree that I had decided would be a double master’s program through Johannes Kepler University. As uncertainty lingered through the summer, all fall exchange programs were getting cancelled. My boss told me to be prepared that my master’s program would also follow this unfortunate route. My motivation, excitement and ambition neared this same cancelled theme that seemed to make any planning or drive impossible and a waste of time. Along with these trying circumstances, a relationship that gave me comfort amid the craziness had also been cancelled. I am reluctant to admit when things are not going well, but I was absolutely ready to get 2020 over with.

Jumping ahead a couple months, here I am, still in 2020. However, I am sitting in my aunt’s apartment in The Hague, Netherlands. The past month has been a wicked whirlwind of anxiety and excitement. Still not sure what this upcoming semester holds, I had to quickly book a room (finding many dorm buildings to be fully booked since I had waited so long), purchase airline tickets (knowing Europe wasn’t letting Americans in but hoping I could cross borders with my EU passport), send in ample documents to complete my application processes, and many other time-consuming and complicated tasks that were still on the agenda since everything had been unsure for so long.

I will be in the Netherlands for a few weeks visiting family and allowing myself to catch my breath. Having successfully crossed the Atlantic already lifts a heavy weight off my shoulders and gives me hope for what is to come. The Covid-19 situation seems much more under control which reassures me that things will be okay. People here are advised to maintain 1.5 meters between each other but there are no mask mandates and businesses are open and doing well. Life seems… normal? Towards the end of the month I will drive to Linz, Austria and begin this new experience October 1st.

Music has always been my escape and offered something relatable. Last year I often paired blogs with a song fitting the theme or that I listened to during that phase. F2020 by Avenue Beat is a hit I have been vibing to the past few months. It is an aesthetically pleasing way of airing out my frustrations. However, I am encouraged to believe that I will not feel this strongly towards 2020 very soon.